Harry Potter meets Lizzie McGuire
by Woe is Me
Summary: This is a hilarious story about Harry, Hermione, and Ron as they go into Lizzie McGuire's world! If you like Lizzie McGuire, I suggest that you don't read this as I hate her so I showed her as a stupid bimbo, because she is. COMPLETED! Please review!
1. In the Gryffindor Common Room

This is a parody of Lizzie McGuire, not Harry Potter. I LOVE Harry Potter! I hate Lizzie McGuire! I think it is an impossibly stupid bimbo show, for bimbos by bimbos. Enjoy this humorous parody!  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters. Too bad. I wish I did. 'Cause then I'd be FILTHY RICH!  
  
Harry, Ron, and Hermione were sitting in the Gryffindor Common Room. "I'm so bored," Ron mumbled. "Me too," Harry agreed. "You guys! You know we have to study for the exams or we'll fail!" Hermione said. "OK, fine. What spell do we have to practice now?" Harry asked. Hermione opened her million-paged spell book. "We have to do the Transportation Spell. It says, 'This spell quickly transports you from one place to the other in a very small amount of time. Very useful. It only transports you to places in the same building.'" Hermione read. "OK, let's try it out. Where's my wand?" Hermione asked. "I dunno," Harry answered.  
  
"Where is it? Where is my wand? I need it! Oh no! Where is it?" Hermione panicked, frantically searching around under the textbooks. "I dunno," Ron said. He leaned back farther in his big armchair. Crrrrrrrrrrraaaaaaaaccccccccckkkkkk!!!!!! "Uh oh," Ron squealed. He jumped up.  
  
Hermione screamed. "Oh no, oh no! My wand! My beautiful phoenix-feather wand! Oh no!" Hermione wailed, holding up her wand that was now in two pieces. "Sorry," Ron said. "Sorry? That's it? SORRY?!?" Hermione sobbed. She kneeled on the ground and tears streamed out of her eyes. "Come on Hermione. We'll fix it," Harry said. Hermione sniffled a little bit. "Really?" "Yeah, sure."  
  
A few minutes later, big blue duct tape was wrapped over Hermione's wand. "Oh thank you, Harry!" Hermione cried. She threw her arms around Harry and squeezed him lovingly. Ron snorted.  
  
Hermione held her new wand up high. "Let's try this baby out!" she exclaimed. "What spell?" Ron asked. "Hmmm...why don't we do the one we're supposed to be studying? The Transportation Spell?" Harry suggested. "OK. I'll take us to the hallway right outside the fat lady's picture." Hermione glanced at her spell book. "Takus Locosho!" (A/N: It's weird I know. It's supposed to be something like Take Us to another Location.)  
  
Suddenly everything around them starting spinning. Harry, Ron, and Hermione rose into the air. "AGGGGGGGHHH!" they shrieked. The world around them was a blur of light and mixed color. Just then the three friends started whirring super fast through the air. The gang hollered uncontrollably. "I'm hungry," Ron said. Then all time stopped. Hermione, Ron, and Harry suddenly stopped and were levitating in air. Harry sighed and waved his wand. "Meatus Appearius!" A hamburger appeared in thin air. Ron swallowed the meat sandwich whole and licked his lips. "Thanks." Then the three started whizzing through time again.  
  
Finally Harry, Hermione, and Ron landed on the floor. Tons of Muggle teenagers were around them, gawking and staring at them. They seemed to be in some kind of Muggle high school.  
  
The three friends gulped nervously. "I have a feeling we're not in Hogwarts anymore." 


	2. Meeting Lizzie and Gordo

A/N: This is a really long chapter! It took me a long time to write too, so PLEASE REVIEW!  
  
Harry, Ron, and Hermione started walking in the hall. The teenagers stared. "Uhh, sorry about that. We just are really fast runners, and, um, we were having a race, and um, we stopped there," Harry lied. Ron jumped up and cheered. "Woo hoo! I won!" Hermione lied, "We're so fast you can't even see us!" "OK. I buy that," the teenagers murmured as they left the hallway.  
  
The three wizard friends let out a sigh of relief. "That was a close one!" "Hey Hermione, how did we get here?" Harry asked. "Well, I guess you didn't fix my wand well enough! And I thanked you! You meanie! Wahhhh!" Hermione threw herself to the ground sobbing. "Well talk about Miss Sensitive," Ron muttered.  
  
Just then a blonde girl walked up to the gang. "Hi! You must be new here! Are you lost? Me and my best friend Gordo can help!" she said. A boy with a mop of messy curly brown hair stood next to her. Ron stood up straight. "I'm Ron Weasley," he said. "Nice to meet you," the girl said. She stuck out her hand to Ron. "Uhh, what am I supposed to do with her hand Harry?" Ron whispered. "Just shake-" "Oh yeah! Now I remember! I saw this is in a Muggle movie once!" Ron cried.  
  
Ron knelt down on the floor and kissed the girl's hand. The girl giggled. "Why, I'm charmed!" Ron smiled. "Nice to meet you, Charmed!" he said. The girl giggled some more. "No, silly poo! My name's Lizzie McGuire!" the girl laughed. "Oh." Ron stood up and dusted off his shirt. Lizzie chuckled again. "I think your red hair is cute." "Uhh, thanks, I guess," Ron said.  
  
"Hi I'm Gordo," the curly-haired boy said. He shook Harry's hand. "I'm Harry Potter and this is my friend Hermione Granger," Harry said. "Cool. We have another friend named Miranda, but she's not here right now because she's in Mexico City," Gordo said. Ron leaned over and whispered in Harry's ear, "How come they've never heard of you before?" Harry rolled his eyes. "Duh! They're Muggles, Ron!" Harry murmured back.  
  
"So do you guys want to go to classes now?" Lizzie asked. Then a loud bell rang. Gordo rolled his eyes, just like Harry had. "It's the end of school now, Lizzie? Remember?" Lizzie laughed and hit her head. "Oh, silly me! I guess you lose track of time when you're in love," she said as she batted her eyelashes romantically toward Ron. "Uhh, yeah," Ron laughed nervously.  
  
Suddenly Kate walked by. "What are you doing now, Lizzie?" she said nastily. "And who are you?" Hermione, who hadn't spoken at all, stood up. "I am Hermione Granger. These are my friends, Ron and Harry," she explained. Kate raised her plucked eyebrows suspiciously. "What are you doing hanging out with such cute boys, Lizzie McGuire?!? You're such a nerd! Dumb blonde!" Kate screeched.  
  
Lizzie ran crying into the girls bathroom. Hermione ran off to console her. "Well, Hermione sure has a friend. They're both super sensitive," Ron said. Gordo looked at Kate angrily. "Thanks a lot for making my best friend cry! And FYI, you're blonde too!" he said. Kate sniffed. "I'm blonde with brown highlights. Lizzie's just pure blonde! There's a difference you know! Loser!" she bellowed. Kate stomped off.  
  
"Why'd you stand up for Lizzie?" Harry asked. "Well, don't tell anyone this, but I have a HUGE crush on Lizzie. You probably have a crush on Hermione, right?" Gordo asked. Harry grinned and looked at Ron, who was blushing. "Well, I don't have a crush on her, but someone else I know does!" "Stop it Harry! I do not!" Ron cried. 


	3. At Lizzie's House

A/N: Please REVIEW! Again, I worked hard on this, and I'd like to get advice! Thanks!  
  
Suddenly Lizzie and Hermione burst out of the bathroom. "Hey, since  
school's out do you guys wanna come to my house and hang out for a  
while?" "Sure Liz!" Hermione said happily. "Wow. You guys were in the  
bathroom for fifteen minutes and you're already on nickname basis!"  
Ron exclaimed. "Wait a minute, Lizzie is a nickname already, so Liz  
must be a nick-nickname!" Harry joked. The three boys doubled up  
laughing. Hermione and Lizzie rolled their eyes together. "Boys are so  
immature," they agreed.  
  
The gang (now including Lizzie and Gordo) walked on the sidewalk  
together back to Lizzie's house. Soon they reached the door. "Now you  
guys, I have to warn you. My little brother Matt is absolutely..."  
Lizzie swung open the front door. There was Matt, with a huge water  
gun in his hand. He squirted all the kids to death. "...crazy," Lizzie  
finished, her soaking blonde hair sagging all over her face. Hermione  
grinned at Matt and squeezed his cheeks. "Aw, you're so cute! Yes you  
are! Yes you are!" Hermione cooed. "Ack! Girls! Yuck! Help!" Matt  
screamed as he ran off to his room. Lizzie and Hermione laughed and  
slapped each other a high-five. The kids walked in.  
  
"Hey Hermione and Ron, I wanna meet you back here," Harry said. "OK,"  
they said. "We'll just be a sec, Liz," Hermione said. "Hey! You just  
called her by her nick-nickname again!" Gordo said. The boys guffawed.  
"Come on guys," Harry said as he ducked behind the sofa.  
  
"Guys, should we tell them about, you know, magic and Hogwarts and  
stuff?" Harry asked. "Oh absolutely!" Ron said. "Yeah! They're our  
friends now!" "Hermione, we've known them for an hour," Harry said.  
"So?" "OK, OK, we'll tell them."  
  
The two wizards (and the witch) stood up. "Guys, we have to tell you  
something," Hermione said. "What?" Gordo asked. "Well, we're getting  
to it!" Ron said. "OK, let me start it off. Do you two believe in  
magic?" Harry asked.  
  
Gordo immediately shook his head. "Nah. Just a bunch of hocus pocus.  
There's no such thing," he said. The three magic folk turned to  
Lizzie. Her eyes sparkled.  
  
"Oh, of course I believe in magic!" she cried. "You do?" Hermione  
asked, surprised. "Not in witches and wizards and magic wands and  
stuff. But yes, yes, yes, I do believe!" Lizzie said. "Then what magic  
do you believe in?" Harry asked. Lizzie's eyes twinkled. "The magic of  
romance. The magic of holding a boy's hand for the first time. The  
magic of your first kiss. The magic of your first date. The magic of  
falling in love for the first time. The magic of LOVE!" Lizzie said  
dreamily. Then, right then and there, Ron puked all over the floor.  
  
Lizzie called her mom from the kitchen, and she mopped it up. Then Ron  
was cleaned up and wrapped up in a blanket. He laid on the couch. "Oh  
my poor darling!" Lizzie said, ruffling his hair. "You must have been  
overcome with a sudden fever! Oh you, poor, poor thing!" she said. Ron mumbled  
something inaudible.  
  
Lizzie stood up from the couch. "Now, where was I? Oh yes, the magic  
of LOVE!" Ron barfed again. 


	4. A Pretty Scary and Random Chapter

A/N: Hey guys. I can't update until I get more reviews. So Come on! Review!!!  
  
By the way, I found out LaLaine's name on the show is Miranda. OK. Enjoy  
Chapter 4!  
  
Lizzie's mom cleaned up poor Ron's vomit again. After he was cleaned again, Lizzie, Gordo, Ron, Harry, and Hermione sat down on the sofas. "So why did you ask us about magic anyway?" Gordo asked. "Uh, nothing. We just wanted to find out, uh, your outtake on life, and we figured that asking about magic helps you find out about people's personality," Harry stammered. "How? What is my personality like?" Lizzie asked curiously. "Yeah, and what's mine?" "Well, Lizzie is the romantic one and Gordo is the logical one," Hermione said. Lizzie stood up and squealed. "Wow! It's all true! How do you do that? Amazing!" Lizzie exclaimed. "What a DUMB blonde," Ron whispered to Harry.  
  
Matt suddenly came running into the family room. "Bam bam bam! You don't scare me, no matter how much you pinch my cheeks! BAM BAM BAM!" Matt screamed as he drenched everyone with water from his squirt gun. "ACK! MY FAVORITE OUTFIT!" Hermione cried, standing up immediately (A/N: Well I would make them wear their Hogwarts robes, but ever since that Alfonso guy started directing the Harry Potter movies they have started to wear street clothes. I think that sucks. They should totally keep the robes! Sorry. Just had to get that out of my system.)  
  
"MATT! HOW COULD YOU? MOM! COME HERE QUICK!" Lizzie screeched. Lizzie's mother, who was now very tired from mopping up puke, dragged in. "Matt, go to your room," she mumbled. "Aw, busted!" Matt screamed as he an up to his room. Lizzie's mom trudged out of the living room.  
  
Lizzie stood up. "I'm real sorry guys. Come on, I'll get you some clothes to wear. Harry and Ron, you can wear Matt's clothes," Lizzie apologized. "NEVER!!!" Matt yelled from upstairs. "Thanks, Liz. You're the best," Hermione said, hugging her.  
  
The friends went upstairs. Lizzie gave Hermione her pink prom dress. "Liz, don't you think that this is a little much? I mean, look at these flowing ruffles and this waist-low V-neck?" Hermione said. "Oh, the best for my best friend!" Lizzie smiled. "Oh Liz! Best Friends Forever!" Hermione cried as the two hugged again.  
  
Harry and Ron were given Matt's basketball jerseys and some shorts. "This feels weird," Harry said as he looked at himself in the mirror. "Yeah. And these shorts feel gay. They're so small!" Ron agreed. Harry was wearing a Sixers jersey and Ron was given a purple Lakers jersey. "You think that's weird? I'm basically naked!" Gordo exclaimed. He was wearing Lizzie's dad's bathrobe.  
  
Lizzie walked in. "I think you all look adorable! And look how beautiful Hermione looks!" Hermione twirled around in the prom dress. "Hermione! Wow!" Harry cried. A drip of spit trickled out of Ron's mouth. "You're gorgeous," he murmured. Hermione blushed because she was happy; Lizzie blushed because she was jealous. "Why don't you leave right now Hermione?" Lizzie said angrily. "Why?" "Because!" "Because why?" "Just go! I don't want the boys seeing you!" "No!" "Look, Hermione! You're making Ron drool!"  
  
Lizzie took a small napkin and dabbed at Ron's chin. "Aw, you're such a cute little drool monkey!" she said. "Stop it Lizzie!" "That's it! I'm breaking up with you, Ron!" "We were never together!" "Oh no! That means I'm boyfriend-less! WAHHHH!"  
  
Lizzie threw herself on the floor and sobbed and wailed and cried. "Stop crying, Lizzie dear. I'll be your boyfriend. I've always wanted to," Gordo said as he knelt down beside her. "WHAT?!? GORDO! NO WAY! NEVER! YOU'RE NOT EVEN CUTE! LOOK AT YOU! YOU'RE A GEEK! A CURLY-HAIRED GEEK! IF I'M GOING TO HAVE A BOYFRIEND, HE'S GOING TO HAVE TO BE CUTE!" Lizzie shrieked.  
  
Gordo shed a stream of tears. Lizzie stood up and pushed Gordo. Gordo backed up into the bathroom. He hit the toilet and was knocked out. "Gordo!" Hermione ran to him. "Eeeeeeeeeee!!! I am crazy!!!" Lizzie cried. "Liz, please, calm down!" Ron stammered. "Mrs. McGuire! Get up here, quick! Your daughter is going insane!!! HELP!" Harry screamed.  
  
Lizzie's mom came up in a flash and called the psychiatrist. He arrived two minutes after the call. "Come now, Lizzie. Breathe in, breathe out. Slowly, that's it, good. Now tell me what the problem is," Dr. Hoo-ha said. "I don't have a boyfriend," Lizzie cried. "OK, well that can be taken care of," Dr. Hoo-ha said. Harry and Ron were watching curiously (Hermione was away taking care of the knocked-out Gordo). Dr. Hoo-ha grabbed Harry's hand. "Here, Lizzie. He will be your boyfriend," the doctor said. "Me?!?" Lizzie hugged Harry tightly. "Oh Harry! I love you!"  
  
A/N: This chapter is a wee bit insane. Sorry. I was on a random rampage. 


	5. Harry and Lizzie's Kiss

A/N: Thanks for all the reviews guys! This story's almost done!  
  
Please review some more!  
  
Dr. Hoo-ha left, and Gordo was rushed to the emergency room. Ron wanted to go with Gordo to see what Muggle medical facilities were like (and to get away from wacko Lizzie). Hermione was in the bathroom crying her heart out because of what Lizzie said to her. Matt was in the kitchen getting a serious lecture from his parents.  
  
Lizzie smiled at Harry. They were all alone in the hallway. "Harry sweetie, follow me," she whispered. Lizzie went up the stairs to the attic. Harry trailed behind her. Then she opened a trap door on the low ceiling. Harry saw three more steps. They went up.  
  
Harry gasped. He was on the flat roof of Lizzie's house! "Harry, look up there at the sky," Lizzie murmured. It was a beautiful starry night. Stars twinkled and glowed in the black night sky. "See, Harry? This is magic to me," she said. "Lizzie, isn't this dangerous, being up here on the ROOF?!?" Harry asked worriedly. "No, as long as you're careful."  
  
For about two minutes the two kids stood quietly. For some reason, it felt romantic to Harry. Suddenly Lizzie slipped her soft, soaked with aloe-lotion hand into Harry's sweaty palm. Harry hyperventilated. Lizzie beamed. He was actually holding hands with a girl who he didn't even like!  
  
"Harry," Lizzie said softly. Harry turned around and looked at her. Lizzie threw her arms around him and pulled him close, maybe too close for comfort. Then she neared his face. Her lips rested on his and stayed there. Harry was kissing a girl!  
  
Her lips felt cold and sticky. And it tasted like Strawberry-watermelon punch. It must be her lip gloss, thought Harry.  
  
Suddenly Hermione burst through the trap door. "Harry!" Hermione screamed. Harry and Lizzie were yanked away from their smooch. "You! What are you doing here?" Lizzie snapped. Hermione whipped her duct-taped wand out of her pocket and waved it. "PLEASE WORK, STUPID WAND! Takus Locosho!" Hermione chanted. Harry and Hermione floated up. "Harry! Goodbye sweet darling! I'll miss you! And by the way, why the heck are you floating up like that?" Lizzie asked.  
  
Harry and Hermione whirred through time again, hollering the whole way. Finally they landed with a crash back in the Gryffindor Common Room. "Finally that's over. We're lucky your wand worked," Harry heaved out. He was hyperventilating again. Hermione looked at her watch. "It's only a minute past the time we left," Hermione said. "Wait a minute."  
  
Harry and Hermione gawked at each other. "WHERE'S RON?!?" 


	6. Back At Hogwart's

A/N: Last chapter! I'm waiting for those reviews, guys!  
  
"Oh no! Ron's gone. Hermione, what are we going to do? Ron! Where is he? Oh no he's in the hospital with Gordo! Oh no! Hermione!" Harry hyperventilated. Hermione grabbed Harry by the shoulders and shook him vigorously. "Thanks. I needed that." "You're welcome. Now don't worry, I know a spell that will bring him to us here," Hermione said. She lifted her duct-taped wand out. Suddenly it slipped from her hand. The wand's duct tape flew out and the wand broke again. Splinters flew.  
  
"Oh no! The wand's broken! Ron can't get back! Oh no! He's going to be stuck there forever! Oh NO!" Harry hyperventilated. Hermione shook him again. It didn't work. She shook him again. "Harry, please calm down!" It didn't work. So she only had one more choice.  
  
Hermione grabbed Harry and pressed his lips against hers.  
  
_'Oh my gosh! Two kisses in one day!'_ thought Harry. Hermione's lips were extremely warm against his, unlike Lizzie's. It tasted like nothing he had ever tasted before, but he loved it. Harry decided he liked Hermione's kiss more.  
  
After one minute Hermione let go of him and grinned. "Wow, Hermione!" "This one's not to stop your hyperventilation. It's for pleasure," Hermione whispered. She began to smooch with him again.  
  
Suddenly Ron flew out of the sky and crashed into an armchair in the Gryffindor Common Room. Harry and Hermione let go of each other quickly. "Ron! How did you get here?" Hermione cried. "Well, I'm not as stupid as you think I am!" Ron said, standing up from the ground. Harry laughed. "I doubt that!"  
  
Ron pouted. "Very funny. Well, when Hermione was doing her spell that got us into that mess, I actually listened to her and memorized it, in case I ever needed it. That's why I wanted a burger. It was because memorizing makes me hungry. Anyway, when I was in the hospital with Gordo, I got bored, so once I saw that Gordo was fine, I used the spell to poof to Lizzie's house. Somehow I landed on the roof and I saw Lizzie crying because she said you had disappeared with Hermione. And get this: she said you were kissing her! Yeah right! What a lie! She's such a bimbo! Anyway, I used my spell to get back to Hogwart's and it worked!"  
  
"That's nice," Harry said. "Hey, when I landed here it looked like you two were hugging or kissing or something. What were you guys doing?" Ron asked. Harry and Hermione smiled.  
  
"That'll be our little secret," Hermione grinned.  
  
**THE END.**  
  
Did you have fun? Good. I couldn't really think of a better ending. So there it is! I worked hard, so review! And I'm sorry I didn't put lines in between sentences. I was just too lazy. 


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